It seems like yesterday – wait, it WAS!

I haven’t stopped living in joyful awareness, but it seems I’ve stopped blogging about it. Other ways are so much easier for one who likes to write spontaneously, share immediately, and not plan or bother about algorithms!

And how strange it is, that I come here whenever I have shared about my parents’ passing. But I do, and I have, and here is another one. If you’ve already read it on facebook, do move on….but wait! Something else may come up One never knows.

It seems like yesterday, but it’s been four years since Ma passed into the afterlife. I use that word because she became even closer to me after her passing. Before that, I had to use a phone to call her at a time when Miami and Delhi were in an ‘awake’ time zone; or I had to fly miles, leaving my kids and husband to spend time with her.

Now, she is here with me whenever I call to her, or she has something to say to me – like when she arrived at our Tuesday circle the day she passed, twinkling like a million sparkles.

In her afterlife, she has her memory back, and is even more confident, in her fullness, than she allowed herself to be while alive. Here, she took a backseat to everyone, though anyone with discernment could see that she did it with wisdom. She was a mother who was love without needing to hug, or every use that word. Her very presence was love, and not just us, but even our friends felt it.

All her children fought to “look after her” when she needed to be tended after my father died. We each thought we knew best how to look after her; but such was the power of her unspoken wishes, that we co-operated to share this loving wish like a smoothly flowing river. One or the other of her children was always with her, and I was gratified to hear from an admirable bhua that what we were doing was admirable. I don’t personally think that being with a wonderful mother is admirable, but if it sets a standard to not neglect one’s parents, I’m all for it!

So- back to Ma’s afterlife. Here is she, with her memory restored, strong and commanding. She sits by a river, under a fragrant tree, surrounded by her students, looking up to her for her pithy, wise sayings. Her one-liners that I still live by, as they stand the test of time and experience. I approach, and she looks up, and her eyes are full of love.

How can we feel that death is a going away, when a mother lives in my DNA and I in hers? I have not known life without her, and while I am alive, so is she. And then, on through my children, and …theirs?

Ma, you are my inspiration, my guru, my beloved. You showed me that you don’t have to be abrasive to be independent, or wordy to be wise.

We are blessed beyond measure, and yet….there are times when I wish you were just here, sitting on the sofa, twinkling, innocent eyes, her belly shaking as she laughed silently, teasing me out of my childhood seriousness, and I could stroke your beautiful artistic hands.

We are blessed but we are also in a world that passes understanding.