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White hair!

June 27, 2020
ms white hair smile

CCan you se(ns)e me smiling? The first time I saw a grey hair on my head I was in Singapore. I smiled and moved on; it was surprising because my mom then and later, into her 90s, also did not have fully grey hair. I realized I had taken the consciousness of my paternal grandparents. But a colleague in my newly started training firm told me that it was considered bad grooming. Not attached to the body, I agreed to color my hair. Found the safest way, and did the needful.
Naturally as time went on, the period between colorings became shorter, I sometimes got it done at a salon, but each time I waited to see what’s really going on with my hair.
I’m not in this world to be this or that. I’m here to watch what happens and I’m always surprised! ” Wow! This really happens !” I find myself saying. I gave a nod to the tradition that the corporate world doesn’t favor the old. But now, thanks to WFH, I’m indulging myself by seeing what the body is doing.
My metaphysical friends are happy with my hair; but not some family and friends who color their hair, and even my husband who does not but I guess misses the girl he married! Or maybe is just being kind and thinking I’ll feel bad about this one day.
It did seem like a one-way street. What if I freak out one day, I wondered. And a few days later I realised that if I do, I’ll just go back to the herbal color I used, and which helped my hair grow long and healthy.
Let’s see what else the winds of change blow my way.
For now I’m happy.
And so, I smile.

It seems like yesterday – wait, it WAS!

May 27, 2019

I haven’t stopped living in joyful awareness, but it seems I’ve stopped blogging about it. Other ways are so much easier for one who likes to write spontaneously, share immediately, and not plan or bother about algorithms!

And how strange it is, that I come here whenever I have shared about my parents’ passing. But I do, and I have, and here is another one. If you’ve already read it on facebook, do move on….but wait! Something else may come up One never knows.

It seems like yesterday, but it’s been four years since Ma passed into the afterlife. I use that word because she became even closer to me after her passing. Before that, I had to use a phone to call her at a time when Miami and Delhi were in an ‘awake’ time zone; or I had to fly miles, leaving my kids and husband to spend time with her.

Now, she is here with me whenever I call to her, or she has something to say to me – like when she arrived at our Tuesday circle the day she passed, twinkling like a million sparkles.

In her afterlife, she has her memory back, and is even more confident, in her fullness, than she allowed herself to be while alive. Here, she took a backseat to everyone, though anyone with discernment could see that she did it with wisdom. She was a mother who was love without needing to hug, or every use that word. Her very presence was love, and not just us, but even our friends felt it.

All her children fought to “look after her” when she needed to be tended after my father died. We each thought we knew best how to look after her; but such was the power of her unspoken wishes, that we co-operated to share this loving wish like a smoothly flowing river. One or the other of her children was always with her, and I was gratified to hear from an admirable bhua that what we were doing was admirable. I don’t personally think that being with a wonderful mother is admirable, but if it sets a standard to not neglect one’s parents, I’m all for it!

So- back to Ma’s afterlife. Here is she, with her memory restored, strong and commanding. She sits by a river, under a fragrant tree, surrounded by her students, looking up to her for her pithy, wise sayings. Her one-liners that I still live by, as they stand the test of time and experience. I approach, and she looks up, and her eyes are full of love.

How can we feel that death is a going away, when a mother lives in my DNA and I in hers? I have not known life without her, and while I am alive, so is she. And then, on through my children, and …theirs?

Ma, you are my inspiration, my guru, my beloved. You showed me that you don’t have to be abrasive to be independent, or wordy to be wise.

We are blessed beyond measure, and yet….there are times when I wish you were just here, sitting on the sofa, twinkling, innocent eyes, her belly shaking as she laughed silently, teasing me out of my childhood seriousness, and I could stroke your beautiful artistic hands.

We are blessed but we are also in a world that passes understanding.


Yesterday I saw a ladybird on a leaf

May 12, 2018

Yesterday, on seeing a ladybird on a leaf, I dropped the hosepipe and ran in, wet from watering the garden, to get my phone. I snapped her photo and then did the next 21st Century thing: I instagrammed (not yet a dictionary word unless it outlasts competitors).

With spring comes newness and the inner child comes out to play. A few hours of walking in a wild garden, discovering a ladybird just sitting around, and I realized I certainly didn’t want to scare her by saying ” Flat away home. Your house is on fire, your children alone.”
How fearful motherhood can make us, as we worry about unimaginable ills that can befall our children. In mothering, do we allow our own child-like joy and security subside?
It’s better to take precautions, then leave the cares in the hands of a usually bountiful universe.
As we grow older, the inner child actually finds freer rein!
Thoughts as we approach Mother’s Day weekend and I struggle with my own reactions and responses to the individuals I’m mothering…and who are helping me to grow into ….
Just playing in my garden

Today, as I prepared for a Sujok class, some thoughts flew in:

Red on green: fire on wind. This gives a new meaning to the ditty: 🐞ladybird, ladybird FLY away home. Your house is on 🔥FIRE, your children ALONE.
Wind is the first elemental energy in life. It helps us to find separate ingredients. Heat cooks them and brings them together as a unit.
I learn so much from life. Everyday, moments of inspiration, little satori reveals into this great mystery.
😆And that is why I smile.
As a teacher, explanations emerge in response to a question, and I am as surprised by them as the students are inspired.

Where did THAT insight come from?
As a therapist, the beauty of smile that emerges when pain leads the way to its own release, is a source of immense wonder and gratitude. You can see the Great Healer at work, gently allowing your hands, intellect and sensitivity to merge with Her, to be guided by Her.
Learning, practicing, receiving, experiencing: all are aspects of that same cycle of creation. All are energized by the smile of a loving Creator Spirit.
Student~teacher patient~doctor client~healer all are like that ladybird on a leaf, bringing a beautiful moment of definition to this wonderful world.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, a tradition started in my adopted land which has moved on the wings of greeting cards to my motherland.

Looks like the ladybird has flown full circle.

©2018 Meenakshi Suri

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